"My son Barack won't be in his office today, he has a very severe case of "malfeasance," which has led to his catching "chasse" and made him very depressed. We are not sure where he picked it up, but he has shown symptoms now for a few years. He seems to be worser today from it. He feels that some of the other people in Washington have been "verbally" abusing him and questioning some of his decisions. He feels bad from it.
So he will not be in his office today.
Signed, "Barack's Mother"