I am sitting here, listening to old music, and it is hard to explain, half of me is not here ... half of my life is in the hospital, I think OK, if the list of items she needs is any indication ... this is a different absence than other circumstances. If she works, goes to the store, one thing, but, the hospital is another, for some reason.
It takes two halves to make a whole, and half of my life is not here, not far away, I can call her, but she is not here.
Old age, folks, must have something to do with it,, and dependency. I didn't take my pills last night, I don't know which ones to take, she always has them for me, in a shot glass.
And, sleeping alone, even Caleb, our dog, he slept in the front room, by the front door, he always sleeps in our bed, or nearby, not last night. And, he has spent most of the morning, sitting out on the front porch, checking all the cars going by .... on the lookout.
How disruptive it is, in our lives, when Marilyn is in the hospital. She has gone through so much, in our fifty years ..... breast cancer and all that goes with that. Well there is more to that, she was in a clinical study, and that, and the medication she was given, cured the cancer, but caused so many more problems ... it has been one thing after another. Even her Pacemaker reminds her, when she walks in to Walmart or Kroger's, the alarm goes off ... and even, recently, it quit doing that, which in it self was alarming, but the doctor said, "Not to worry."
I hope we get back to normal, soon ...... I must admit, I am wearing out ....................
